Rebound relationships provide the alluring promise of excitement, hope and distraction from two things:
And yet, not every rebound relationship is doomed to fail. Some of them do work out in the end.
This may not be what you want to hear if you think your ex is in a rebound relationship – and you hope to get your ex back.
But there may still be hope, because remember…
There’s a reason why we call them rebound relationships. It’s because:
Due to the fact that a rebound relationship is initiated based on short-term feelings of hope and the idea that the grass is greener, many of these relationships do not last long-term.
So let’s answer begin by answering the pressing question: how long will my ex’s rebound last?
Related reading: 22 Sad Signs The Relationship Is Over For Him.
If it’s a true rebound, you can expect it to last anywhere between a month to 6 months.
For some people it takes a bit longer than that to end the rebound. It all depends on how long your ex and their new partner can tolerate the inevitable decline of the relationship.
But regardless of how long your ex’s rebound lasts, expect the final weeks or months to not be a happy period for them.
Fact: 54% of all women have insecure attachment styles and it affects their relationships daily. Answer the next 10 questions to discover what your attachment style is.
1. When it comes to relating to people in general…
I believe people are generally dependable and kind
I get attached to people easily and they often let me down
I don’t believe I can truly trust anyone
People will always come and go
2. To me, the word intimacy intuitively feels
3. In my relationship, I tend to constantly…
Worry that my partner will stop loving me one day
Feel repelled when my partner gets too intimate and close to me
Want to learn more about my partner without fear of judgment
Find faults in my partner
4. In my partner’s absence, I…
Look forward to seeing him again
Feel anxious and don’t know what to do
Feel incomplete
Feel free
5. In my most ideal relationship… (choose the one you feel strongest about.)
We would have our own lives & wouldn’t have to depend on each other
I would receive constant love and attention
We would be deeply connected above all else
To feel safe, I would want to have more control in the relationship
6. If a man that I was interested in started to banter with me…
I’d effortlessly banter back
I’d freeze and not know what to say
I’d redirect the conversation because banter is childish
7. If I suspect that my partner has been cheating on me…
I would rather not know about it
I’d ask them about it until they confess
I’d investigate it & find out as much as I can without coming to conclusions
I’d instantly get stressed out of my mind and become angry
8. When it comes to sex… I’d rather have
Casual sex with uncommitted partners
Intimate sex with a committed partner
I’d rather avoid sex.
9. If I share my deepest feelings and thoughts
Perhaps no one would care
Perhaps people may no longer love me
Perhaps I can resonate with the deepest feelings of others
I would never share my deepest feelings
10. If someone I’m dating suddenly becomes cold and distant…
I feel indifferent, even relieved as they’ll need less from me.
I feel like perhaps I’ve done something wrong or perhaps they’ve found someone new
I feel like I need to delve deeper into what is happening without feeling sorry for myself.
I feel angry and vengeful.
We are analysing your personal attachment style results right now and preparing a comprehensive summary. On a side note, it is important to understand attachment styles as a sliding scale rather than a fixed set of categories. Here are the reason why…
1. Your attachment style is not fixed but rather plastic, meaning you can over time heal an insecure attachment style, just as you can create more insecurity in your attachment style if you hang around toxic people in your life. Having a sliding scale offers you a solid direction to move towards.
2. Attachment styles should be considered as secure or insecure attachment styles with levels of severity when it comes to insecure attachment. This helps you understand how your own attachment styles developed in the first place and what direction you need to take in order to heal from attachment style traumas. (We’ll explain this further in the first email you’ll get from us.)
3. Almost everyone with an insecure attachment style has multiple categories and patterns within that insecure attachment, (of course to differing degrees).
In other words, you don’t just have a pure anxious attachment style. That may be the predominant pattern in your nervous system, but there is also avoidant in there too when you’re nervous system is overloaded and sick of being anxious all the time. This is why it’s more important to see this framework as a sliding scale and not just a mere set of categories.
So your personal attachment style will fit along the scale you see below.
In order to get your personal attachment style score, please enter your best email address so that we can securely send this to you. (As well as give you $3,765 worth of coaching bonuses to help you cultivate secure attachment within yourself!)
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So now let’s get into the 5 classic rebound relationship stages.
This stage could last anywhere from days to a couple of months – it usually doesn’t take long to pick a low hanging fruit.
What happens at this stage?
Your ex notices and chases a low hanging fruit.
A low hanging fruit is something that’s easy to get and benefit from.
Perhaps your ex has the idea that you guys were not truly compatible (by the way, this concept of compatibility is just fluff. But that’s a discussion for another time).
Another possibility is that since your ex didn’t feel happy enough with you, they assumed the solution would be to swing the pendulum and date someone completely different to you.
However, the truth is that because your ex doesn’t want to go through the natural (but arduous) process of getting over the breakup and detaching from you – he or she needs to pick a low hanging fruit quickly in order to fill the hole left by the breakup.
So – who would be classified as a low hanging fruit for your ex? It could be:
These ‘outsiders’ tend to be opportunistic and attract your ex into a rebound relationship by presenting themselves as the “better” choice.
For example: some new partners will play the good guy or gal by buying entire new wardrobes or even pay off car loans in their quest to steal your ex.
Now on to one of the rebound relationship stages that is more difficult for you to witness…
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This stage usually lasts anywhere from 2 to 6 weeks.
I call this the honeymoon stage because that’s what most people understand this stage to be.
Yet I actually think this stage is better described as the excitement stage, because in a rebound relationship, that’s all it is.
A honeymoon phase in a rebound relationship is never the same as it is in a real relationship, because in a “real” relationship, the honeymoon phase is based on deep emotional attraction.
However in a rebound relationship, your ex usually doesn’t have any feelings of emotional attraction towards their rebound at all.
Only excitement.
Recommended: Rebound Relationships: 15 Signs You’re The Rebound (& FAQ)
So the relationship takes off with both people feeling a lot of excitement and at times, passion.
This is when you may see the PDA (public displays of affection) posts and the blissed-out posts on social media.
Be reassured that even though your ex may be posting these posts more than they ever posted on social media when they were with you, it’s not for good reasons.
The reason they’re posting on social media is because they’re on a dopamine high at best, and because they are compensating for the lack of authenticity of their new relationship at worst.
But the dopamine is just dopamine, and if he or she were honest, your ex probably knows the new relationship is not 100% real, but is trying hard to make it feel real.
(Remember this: real emotional attraction involves dopamine, oxytocin and vasopressin).
Not just dopamine which you can experience easily on a day to day basis.
You can experience dopamine just by eating some krispy kreme donuts (or, say, rebounding with a new partner who seems to be the opposite of your ex).
The posts on social media are happening because they feel the need to try hard to reassure themselves and everyone else around them that this rebound relationship is real.
But it’s not.
If someone is really rebounding in the traditional sense, then what they’re doing at this stage is they are replacing the hole created by the breakup with excitement.
A rebound takes their mind off the hole created by the breakup with someone new.
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Unbeknownst to your ex though, there is a good purpose for the hole. It’s meant to be there after a breakup!
The hole is there because you’re supposed to fill it with your grief! It is supposed to instigate a grieving period.
Emotions such as disappointment, hurt, anger, pining for your ex, sadness, regret, (and perhaps gratefulness) are supposed to be the natural waves of emotion that pave the path to detaching from an ex and healing from a breakup.
Even if your ex is no longer in love with you, or thinks they’re no longer interested in being with you, it takes time to detach from the relationship with you.
Related: 6 Burning Signs He Doesn’t Want A Relationship With You.
Yes, it can take a while – sometimes years – to detach from an ex and to heal from a break up. But that doesn’t make it any less necessary. One still has to walk the path of healing at some point.
When you walk this natural path with courage and choose to feel instead of running away, you inevitably come to a place where you can detach from your ex.
But not everyone does this.
Not everyone even knows that this is necessary.
Some people are also a little less emotionally resourceful and emotionally intelligent. These people are usually the ones who struggle to let themselves detach and grieve.
Because they don’t know how to have a healthy attachment.
All they know is the allure of excitement and distraction. That’s their recurring pattern in relationships.
Recommended: 12 Anxious Attachment Triggers: How To Recognise & Heal Them.
And look:
Perhaps they don’t even value their emotions and their relationships enough to feel deeply and grieve a lost partner.
People enter a rebound relationship to try to shortcut this process by filling their void.
They fill the void in the short term with the excitement of a new person – which never lasts – because that’s not what they actually need.
It’s like a junk food junkie filling their empty stomach with donuts – but it’s not what their body actually needs. It’s not real nutrition.
Let’s get one thing straight: excitement is not happiness. Just because two people in a new relationship are excited, doesn’t mean anything profound at all.
I could get excited about 30 donuts being delivered to my door on a Monday morning…but how much does my excitement over those donuts actually mean?
And how profound do you think my excitement is over these 30 donuts?
Point being: this stage is about feeling superficial excitement.
It doesn’t count for much.
The excitement that your ex feels in a rebound relationship usually comes through the idea of hope and/or distraction.
It’s the excitement of distraction from deeper issues.
It’s a seductive kind of excitement, because it means he or she can avoid having to face their emotional unavailability, or the pain over the breakup with someone they were attached to.
This is a stage that’s particularly hard for you to witness if you want to get your ex back…
Because it seems (on the surface) like your ex really values this new person, and that perhaps all the excitement they’re experiencing will make it more ‘real’.
But that’s not necessarily true.
The truth is that yes excitement is an essential ingredient of a quality relationship.
But the type of excitement your ex experiences in a rebound relationship is not the type of excitement that is the glue for a strong long-term relationship.
Curious to know what inspires a man to commit to you on a deep emotional level? Our online study course ‘Commitment Control’ has guided thousands of women to get the commitment they deserve.
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We have to remember that in a rebound relationship, the rebounder has not entered this new relationship with the best intent.
They just want to take value for themselves.
Ie: usually your ex is looking to take value from their new love interest, and they often take a lot more than they can emotionally and mentally give.
Here’s why that is…
It’s because you cannot truly give to someone in a relationship when you have unresolved grief and emotional blockages from a past relationship.
You also cannot truly give value to a rebound love interest if you are using them as a distraction. Essentially it’s all about you – it’s not about actually falling in love.
How can it be when you have not detached and grieved your ex?
How can it be when you have a mountain of unresolved issues that you never ‘worked through’ after breaking up with your ex?
In essence, a huge chunk of your body, emotions and soul still ‘belong’ to the previous relationship.
Related: 2 Traits Of Women That Men Routinely Fall In Love With.
If it’s a true rebound relationship, then the relationship is not based on any real sense of emotional attraction to begin with, because the person doing the rebounding picked a low hanging fruit.
(Low hanging fruit = easy distraction + no buildup of emotional attraction.)
So what happens in the comparison stage is the excitement wanes and the rebound relationship no longer fills the hole that it initially seemed to fill.
In this stage, your ex notices the hole and they start to compare the new person to you.
Ironic, considering they probably thought their new love interest would be a more suitable option for them than you were.
Again, because this new relationship was likely never founded on real emotional attraction (if it’s a true rebound relationship, it won’t be), it’s inevitable that when the excitement wears off, the rebounder realises that the hole and the old feeling of emptiness is still there.
Instead of recognising this hole for what it is: a call to process their emotions so that they can heal in the long-run, they may just assume that the problem is that this new person isn’t as great for them as they initially thought.
Recommended: 5 Unusual Signs A Man Is Falling In Love With You
Which one of these 8 feminine archetypes are you? Answer these 21 questions to discover which feminine archetype you are and how it positively and negatively affects every relationship you have. (Especially your intimate relationship with men.)
1. In my current or previous relationship…
I enjoy how a man is so different to me
I get annoyed that a man is so different to me
We are so different I often thought I’d be better off alone
His differences make me appreciate and love him more
2. The thought of newborn babies make me feel…
Very emotional and tender
Terrified
Happy and calm
I’m relatively indifferent to newborn babies
3. Confrontations are...
To be avoided if possible
Can often work in my favour
4. I can often feel other people’s intentions from a mile away
5. In terms of dancing…
I love to dance and move my body
I find it a chore
6. I would prefer to be more...
Liked by others
Envied by others
7. I believe in premonitions
True
False
I’m willing to entertain the idea
It’s a load of nonsense
8. I would prefer...
Pleasure of the mind
Pleasure of the soul
9. In social situations, I am...
The peacemaker who ensures everyone feels included.
The dominant personality who likes to lead.
The enigmatic figure who draws others in with mystery.
The observer who watches from the sidelines.
10. When someone hurts themselves...
I rush to see if they need help
I’d rather see them help themselves
11. When a friend is upset, my first instinct is to:
Run away, I’ve been used by enough friends
Give them some space until they're ready to talk.
Suggest practical solutions to their problems.
Give them a hug and listen to them
12. When I’m faced with something unknown, I trust
My gut feelings more than my thoughts
My thoughts more than my gut feelings
13. How important are other people’s feelings?
Super important to me.
Little importance to me.
Other people’s feelings are none of my business.
14. True or false... A man and a woman should get along if they love each other.
True
False
I don't know...
15. Regarding sex...
I prefer he initiated sex with me
I’m more than comfortable taking what I want from him in the bedroom
16. On a rainy day, I prefer…
The safety and warmth of my home
The excitement of a new exotic location
17. When I have to make a tough decision…
My brain always knows the better answer
My gut always tells me what to do
I will get all the facts and data and make a decision
Give it some time and the answer will come to me
18. Which is more true?
Conflicts serve a good purpose in my relationship
Conflicts are to be avoided in my relationship
Conflict will cause my relationship to die
With the right man, conflicts only strengthen our relationship
19. In my old age, it’s more important to look back and know that
You’ve connected with others and created strong bonds
You’ve achieved all your dreams
You had truly cared about those around you
You ticked everything off of your bucket list
20. It’s more important to…
Pursue my own dreams and goals
Live cohesively in my tribe
21. When I meet someone for the first time, I get a gut feeling whether I can trust them or not.
Very true
It usually takes me a while to figure this out
We are analysing your feminine archetype right now and preparing your personalised summary.
Here’s something interesting to know before moving forward…
Every single one of these archetypes has strengths and weaknesses. No matter how ego stroking it may be to identify with your archetype, know that it’s just a starting point.
It is your job to be aware of the strengths and weaknesses so that you can grow, evolve and become who you are meant to become.
Ultimately you want to become a full multi-dimensional human being. In order to truly become a high value individual, you want to tap into the value that every part of you has to bring to the table.
This feminine archetype quiz is one step along this journey to help you discover who you are, and who you will become.
So here is the next step.
Please enter your first name and email below so that we can safely deliver your feminine archetype results and send to you the extended explanation. (As well as give you $3,765 worth of coaching bonuses!)
And yes, we'll treat your email like it was our firstborn.
Understandably, the comparison stage opens the door to the conflict stage. Why is this?
It’s because any time you compare a new partner to an old flame, you will encounter conflict.
Read also: He Pays For His Ex Girlfriend’s Bills But Won’t Pay For Mine?
Try to remember that the people who tend to rebound are usually people who don’t have good attachment patterns altogether in relationships.
So instead of working on their issues with their ex or working through their own emotional baggage, they tend to assume the problem was that their ex was the ‘wrong’ kind of person for them.
Perhaps they assume they weren’t truly compatible with their ex and that this new person (who’s completely unlike their ex) is the solution.
It never is.
So they begin to doubt their new choice. Now there’s trouble in paradise.
If your ex is on the rebound, they are not actually emotionally available for their new partner and it becomes obvious at this stage. The new partner then feels upset and possibly even used.
This leads to conflicts that usually center around your ex looking for ways in which their new partner falls short in comparison to you.
There will also likely be conflicts about your ex’s behaviour overall.
Specifically, the new partner will feel like your ex is exhibiting one or many of the following behaviours:
This is the last of the rebound relationship stages. At this stage, your ex realizes that the hole they initially had is not really filled at all.
It was filled initially with the superficial excitement of a new person, but it could never really last.
Consequently, they notice that they’re feeling as empty as they were in their previous relationship, or when they first broke up with you.
So why does the cycle continue?
Because at this stage, they reach a place that is similar – if not the same as – the place they were in when they first decided to pick a low hanging fruit!
That place is crying out for them to process their emotions and to detach or heal from the breakup.
If the pain they feel (about their ex and about their new relationship) is finally burning enough that they are forced to grieve the attachment to their ex – then they may end the rebound relationship.
But they may also not end the relationship. Instead they may stay in the rebound relationship and keep the toxic cycle going.
For a lot of people, they just don’t understand the importance of grieving.
Recommended: Why Does He Keep Me Around If He Doesn’t Want A Relationship?
So instead of taking the time to feel and heal, they go from relationship to relationship, schlepping their baggage around for others to unpack.
So what will happen at this point?
But it doesn’t truly get better in the foreseeable future if they stay in the rebound relationship.
Why?
Because when you stay in a rebound relationship, it’s very hard not to bring all your issues into the new relationship.
Also, for many people, it’s hard to truly grieve and be free of your emotional ties with your ex whilst you’re dating someone new.
The new person has to be somewhat of a saint in order to put up with all the extra baggage.
This is because every moment of grieving, every emotional blockage and every frustration to do with your ex will burden the new partner in some way.
Some rebound relationships can overcome this, but most do not.
So the cycle repeats.
Because if your ex stays with their rebound, then the same pattern of emotions and behaviour that initially led them to seek out a rebound partner will play out once again.
They’re still going to try to fill that same hole they originally had with surface solutions.
Related: What Makes A Man Leave His Wife For Another Woman?
Also, your ex is still the same person they were at the first rebound relationship stage: the stage of picking a low hanging fruit.
Their general patterns of behaviour in intimate relationships have not changed.
Bottom line:
If you’re usually selfish in a relationship, you’re still going to be selfish.
If you tend to sabotage your relationship because you’re not comfortable in emotional intimacy, then you’re going to do the same in the new relationship – until you resolve those issues.
(Or until your saint of a new partner – if indeed they are a saint – helps you recover, heal and become a brand new person.)
Related: How To Get Out Of Pain In Your Relationship.
So this final stage opens the door for your ex to finally surrender to emotions and deal with their issues, or to just avoid these issues completely and continue on their toxic whirlwind.
Usually, people tend to leave the rebound relationship.
Why?
Because the person doing the rebounding brings so much toxicity and so many emotional blockages into the new relationship that it’s simply unworkable.
If your ex is in a true rebound relationship, then the first signs you’ll notice of it beginning to break down will occur at 6-10 weeks with their new flame.
As for how long until it fails completely – that depends on what kind of person your ex is, as well as on what their new flame is willing to tolerate.
The honeymoon phase usually lasts anywhere from 2 to 6 weeks in a rebound relationship.
They delay healing in the short-term. But you cannot delay healing indefinitely, because excitement doesn’t fill the hole created by the breakup.
Furthermore, blocked emotions always find a way out in the end.
There are a few possible reasons…
There are several possible ways and reasons your ex found someone so fast. First I’ll list the practical reasons, and then the emotional reasons your ex was able to find someone so fast.
Now for the emotional reasons how your ex found someone so fast:
It’s possible that they will. True rebound relationships have a cycle, as I’ve mentioned above. So once they reach stage#5 of the rebound relationship, they may come back.
But if your ex doesn’t come back, you have to be honest with yourself and ask yourself whether this may actually be serving you in the long run, even though it hurts to have to grieve for your ex now.
You may want to know now whether it’s possible to get your ex back, and if it’s possible, then when is the best moment to attempt to do that?
Now that you’ve learned the rebound relationship stages, you may have an idea in your head about when your ex is most vulnerable to being attracted back into the relationship with you.
Here are three ideas I have and recommend for you:
Fact: Some men will string you along for as long as you will tolerate and never fully commit to you. Answer these 8 questions to discover precisely how commitment friendly your man is.
1. When I speak to other guys, and give attention to other men...
He gets jealous and isn't afraid to show it.
I know he gets jealous underneath but he tries to keep it cool
He doesn't have a hint of jealousy!
I don't know.
2. How willing is he to have a fight or argument with me?
He tries hard to avoid fights or arguments
He always wants things his way and won't listen to me
He doesn't show any avoidance to arguments.
I don't know.
3. What is his relationship with his father like?
He has a huge respect and talks fondly of his father.
There's not really a relationship between him and his father.
He talks about his father with disdain.
I don't know.
4. When I first started dating him, he mentioned commitment & long term relationships
Quite often, and he has been happy talking about it.
Occasionally, and he's a bit guarded when talking about it.
Never, he never likes to mention commitment at all.
I'm not sure...
5. How many long term committed relationships has he had?
At least 3 long term relationships...
Just one or two.
He's never had a long term relationship before...
I don't know...
6. How often does he push for sex?
All the time, and he gets pissed off if I don't give him sex.
Rarely ever, he cares about how I feel.
Never, he is a real gentleman
I'm not sure...
7. How keen is he to introduce you to his friends and family
Very keen, he wants everyone to get along with me.
He's not sure, he says he needs to find the right time.
Not keen at all, he tends to avoid the topic and drag it out.
I'm not sure...
8. How much effort has he shown you that he wants to learn about your friends and family?
Not much at all, he never asks me about my friends or family.
On the odd occasion, but he doesn't care about it too deeply.
He is always very fascinated with my friends and family
I don't really know...
We are analysing your quiz results right now and preparing a comprehensive summary. (It's a 15 min read)
In your personalised results email, we will also give you free advice and coaching to help you inspire a deep sense of emotional commitment from the man of your choice, even if you've had no luck with men so far.
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Going no contact is intuitive for some people. They know and feel it’s the right thing to do in the context of a breakup.
So in general, the answer is yes you should go no contact because it is the healthiest thing to do. You don’t want to beg for your ex back nor lower your value in the eyes of your ex due to the fear of loss or the initial pain of the breakup.
If this is not you, and you know you’ll have trouble going no contact, then listen up:
Creating healthy detachments is essential in your life.
This person is your ex for a reason, and if you physically and emotionally feel like you can’t do no contact – then you may have deeper abandonment issues or insecure attachment issues.
That’s where I can help:
I understand no contact can be hard for some people. So I urge you to use the time to grieve, reflect and process for yourself.
Jumping to get your ex back, or diving straight back into an old relationship could have massive costs – especially if you try to get your ex back before the comparison stage.
So whatever you’re thinking of doing, have a good think about the cost of your actions before you go ahead and do them.
Remember…
Right now, your job is to:
QUIZ TIME: What is my core attachment style? CLICK HERE to find out with our specially crafted women-specific 10 Question Quiz!
(Why is this important? It is because your core attachment style largely dictates and influences what happens in your relationship. Thus it’s imperative you understand your core attachment style!)
There’s one last thing you should know – when guys meet you, they will put you into one of two baskets.
The first category is the ‘one and only’ basket. The second is the ‘one of many’ basket. Once you’re one of many, it’s hard to ever get into the one and only basket.
If you want to ensure that you’ll always be a man’s one and only woman (and never have to share him with anyone else), then you need to show up as the ‘one and only’ woman.
I’ve just published my NEW program on “Becoming His One and Only: 5 Secrets To Have Your Chosen Man Fall In Love and BEG You To Be His One and Only Woman.”
CLICK here to check out “Becoming His One and Only”.
(The promise of this course is for you to have your chosen man fall in love with you & beg you to be his one & only by embodying these 5 feminine secrets, even if he’s been distant, avoidant, or losing interest…)
CLICK here to learn more about how to become the one and only woman.
P.S. CLICK HERE to check out my full article archives! Or you may greatly benefit from one of our highly popular paid programs, CLICK HERE to see what we offer right now.
If you want to be supported by a warm community of high value feminine women, then join our Facebook Group. (It’s free and so incredibly valuable!) CLICK HERE TO join thousands of other women in our “High Value Feminine Women” Community.
By the way, while you’re at it, connect with me on social media.
P.S. CLICK HERE to check out my full article archives! Or you may greatly benefit from one of our highly popular paid programs, CLICK HERE to see what we offer right now.
If you want to be supported by a warm community of high value feminine women, then join our Facebook Group. (It’s free and so incredibly valuable!) CLICK HERE TO join thousands of other women in our “High Value Feminine Women” Community.
By the way, while you’re at it, connect with me on social media.
Renee is the founder of The Feminine Woman & co-founder of Shen Wade Media where we teach women how to show up as a high value high status woman whom easily inspires a deep sense of emotional commitment from her chosen man. She graduated with a bachelor of Law and bachelor of Arts majoring in sociology and psychology. She has been a dating and relationship coach for women in the past 15 years and together with her husband D. Shen at Commitment Triggers blog, they have positively influenced the lives of over 20 million women through their articles and videos as well as 10’s of thousands through paid programs through the Shen Wade Media platform.
Connect deeper with her work through the social media links below.