When we ask why guys act distant when they like you, we have to know that there are many possible reasons why.
However, these reasons fall into the following three categories:
Now:
There’s another, lesser known but important aspect to this issue of a guy acting distant when he likes you, and that is this:
People infer their own meaning upon the word “like”. Which means we’re working with many possible “meanings” of a guy liking you here.
To some people, a guy liking them means he’s in love. To others, it means they simply find her attractive but wouldn’t choose to be in a committed relationship with her.
To others, it means mere infatuation, which really isn’t worth much.
What? Infatuation isn’t worth much? Of course it isn’t.
A man can be infatuated with you for himself. A lot of people are infatuated with others in order to serve some kind of obsession or fantasy in their own head.
Infatuation is not the same as romantic love or pair bonding with a woman – which is worth infinitely more than just infatuation.
You might be wondering if you can have the best of both worlds. Can’t a man be in love and infatuated? No. He can’t.
An infatuation is an intense but short-lived passion or admiration for someone. So I could be infatuated with a female singer, for example.
But being in love is something much deeper, involving emotional attraction. And it leads to real pair bonding in humans.
What you can have is a man who is fascinated by you and in love with you. Does that sound good? Thought so.
And it’s much more valuable than just infatuation.
So:
Knowing that everyone uses the word “like” differently, let me get one thing clear here:
A guy liking you isn’t worth much, unless you’re really intending to say he is “in love” with you.
So for the purposes of this article, I’ll assume that a guy “liking” you means that he is showing romantic interest in you, with the hope that he might end up in a serious relationship with you.
Fact: Some men will string you along for as long as you will tolerate and never fully commit to you. Answer these 8 questions to discover precisely how commitment friendly your man is.
1. When I speak to other guys, and give attention to other men...
He gets jealous and isn't afraid to show it.
I know he gets jealous underneath but he tries to keep it cool
He doesn't have a hint of jealousy!
I don't know.
2. How willing is he to have a fight or argument with me?
He tries hard to avoid fights or arguments
He always wants things his way and won't listen to me
He doesn't show any avoidance to arguments.
I don't know.
3. What is his relationship with his father like?
He has a huge respect and talks fondly of his father.
There's not really a relationship between him and his father.
He talks about his father with disdain.
I don't know.
4. When I first started dating him, he mentioned commitment & long term relationships
Quite often, and he has been happy talking about it.
Occasionally, and he's a bit guarded when talking about it.
Never, he never likes to mention commitment at all.
I'm not sure...
5. How many long term committed relationships has he had?
At least 3 long term relationships...
Just one or two.
He's never had a long term relationship before...
I don't know...
6. How often does he push for sex?
All the time, and he gets pissed off if I don't give him sex.
Rarely ever, he cares about how I feel.
Never, he is a real gentleman
I'm not sure...
7. How keen is he to introduce you to his friends and family
Very keen, he wants everyone to get along with me.
He's not sure, he says he needs to find the right time.
Not keen at all, he tends to avoid the topic and drag it out.
I'm not sure...
8. How much effort has he shown you that he wants to learn about your friends and family?
Not much at all, he never asks me about my friends or family.
On the odd occasion, but he doesn't care about it too deeply.
He is always very fascinated with my friends and family
I don't really know...
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Here are all the reasons why guys start acting distant when they like you. Make sure you read all of them, because the last reason is crucial for you to understand.
As you read through these, feel into each of these reasons and see which one(s) resonate with you the most.
When you get a clearer picture of the reasons why he acts distant, you can make better decisions about what steps to take next.
As nice as it is to think about a hot guy liking you, you also have to consider the possibility that he might be manipulating your feelings.
Perhaps he’s clued into the fact that you like him – maybe even moreso than you think?
And so he’s trying to reel you in even more with hot and cold behaviour.
Yes, even hot guys can be toxic and manipulative. I’m not saying he definitely is, because only a small percentage of guys deliberately want to manipulate a woman.
Most guys won’t intentionally act cold to gain control and power over you, but there’s a certain percentage of guys who will, and it’s good to at least be aware that they’re out there.
MORE: 12 Reasons Guys Act Interested Then Back Off + What To Do.
On the topic of manipulators, also watch out for signs of breadcrumbing. You don’t want to be on the receiving end of a breadcrumber, as this is bad for your emotional and mental health.
Fear of rejection is both learned as well as intuitive. By intuitive, I mean it is innately programmed into us on an evolutionary level.
Researchers say that a fear of ‘social’ rejection’ is innate to some extent, just like a fear of snakes or spiders is programmed within us.
We don’t have to have been bitten by a snake or a spider before in order to fear them.
In a similar fashion, humans come pre-programmed with the knowledge that we must show pro social behaviors in order to be accepted by others.
Dr. Kelsey Zimmerman, researcher at the School of Psychology at UNSW says:
“Anything that seems intuitively aversive to us is usually there for a reason – it’s the brain trying to protect us from a perceived danger and keep us safe.”
Kelsey goes on to suggest that:
“Because of how much of our brains are devoted to social interaction, it can be a pretty profound experience to be socially rejected, so we want to avoid it. In fact, social rejection causes the same activation in brain regions associated with processing physical pain.”
Put simply, your guy might be acting distant because he’s deeply afraid of the consequences of being rejected by you.
And this fear would be even more intense if you’re at a college, school or workplace together, because if he’s rejected, that could mean more than just rejection by you.
It could mean rejection by his peers, also, who might laugh at him or think he’s the ultimate failure.
But what about the learned fear of rejection? If it’s not only intuitive within us to fear rejection, then why else could this guy be scared of you rejecting him?
This theory purports that recollections of parental rejection in childhood tend to result in psychological maladjustment and intimacy problems in later romantic relationships.
Basically, if your guy was rejected by his mother or father growing up, it would have triggered a fear of intimacy on his part.
Such is the power of our very first intimate relationships: the ones with our mother and father.
As you can see, paternal and maternal rejection can lead to a guy feeling naturally unworthy of female love and attention.
And if you grew up already feeling unworthy and fearing intimacy, then can you imagine how hard it would be to be rejected by a woman you like romantically?
Recommended reading: 7 Undercover Reasons Guys Distance Themselves After Intimacy.
If you follow my work, you may already know that there are two categories that men place you in when they meet you. These categories are:
If you have been placed in the second category, the “one of many” category, then he might be acting distant because of that.
What this means is this:
If he senses you might want more from him, or that you’re falling in love with him, but he’s already decided that you’re in the “one of many” category, then he won’t want to get too involved with you.
He might fear that you’ll act needy or attach yourself to him so much that he can’t get away when he needs to.
So I know that this is a hard pill to swallow. But think of it like this: plenty of women put themselves in the category of “one of many” every day, even just instinctively, because they don’t want to be tied down yet.
And this is a self serving behavior. Meaning, they do it because they want to.
They want men to desire them sexually more than they want men to fall in love with them or desire them for a serious relationship (even if this might not serve them deep down inside.)
But even if these ladies might want a committed relationship with those high value men, for whatever reason they cannot bring themselves to choose the path of the “one and only”.
Think of our female desire to be desired sexually as one level of desire, and the desire to be the “one and only” as another level – a deeper desire.
Essentially you have the power to choose – to a large extent – which category men will place you in.
I think that when you really love a guy, it is safer to show up in the one and only basket. It’s simply too risky to be placed in the “one of many” basket.
So if you want to learn how to show up as the one and only, I have a whole online course dedicated to this art. CLICK Here to learn more about my course “Becoming His One And Only”.
(The promise of this course is for you to have your chosen man fall in love with you & beg you to be his one & only by embodying these 5 feminine secrets, even if he’s been distant, avoidant, or losing interest…)
Yes, it’s possible for a guy to like a girl, yet maintain distance from her simply because he secretly hates women.
He hates that he can’t make them like him, he hates that he’s not good enough for them, or he hates the perceived power imbalance in the dating market between men and women.
A lot of men have bought into this idea that women have it easier from birth, just by being born with a vagina.
For example:
So, a guy can have a secret love-hate relationship with women. Maybe he resents that he feels like he needs something from you…I can’t know for sure, as I’m not a guy, I’ve only studied them – and the realm of dating and relationships.
But I’m sure you could theorize more on this if you wanted to.
Which one of these 8 feminine archetypes are you? Answer these 21 questions to discover which feminine archetype you are and how it positively and negatively affects every relationship you have. (Especially your intimate relationship with men.)
1. How important are other people’s feelings?
Super important to me.
Little importance to me.
Other people’s feelings are none of my business.
2. When I meet someone for the first time, I get a gut feeling whether I can trust them or not.
Very true
It usually takes me a while to figure this out
3. I believe in premonitions
True
False
I’m willing to entertain the idea
It’s a load of nonsense
4. It’s more important to…
Pursue my own dreams and goals
Live cohesively in my tribe
5. In my current or previous relationship…
I enjoy how a man is so different to me
I get annoyed that a man is so different to me
We are so different I often thought I’d be better off alone
His differences make me appreciate and love him more
6. True or false... A man and a woman should get along if they love each other.
True
False
I don't know...
7. Regarding sex...
I prefer he initiated sex with me
I’m more than comfortable taking what I want from him in the bedroom
8. I would prefer to be more...
Liked by others
Envied by others
9. When I have to make a tough decision…
My brain always knows the better answer
My gut always tells me what to do
I will get all the facts and data and make a decision
Give it some time and the answer will come to me
10. The thought of newborn babies make me feel…
Very emotional and tender
Terrified
Happy and calm
I’m relatively indifferent to newborn babies
11. When a friend is upset, my first instinct is to:
Run away, I’ve been used by enough friends
Give them some space until they're ready to talk.
Suggest practical solutions to their problems.
Give them a hug and listen to them
12. In my old age, it’s more important to look back and know that
You’ve connected with others and created strong bonds
You’ve achieved all your dreams
You had truly cared about those around you
You ticked everything off of your bucket list
13. When someone hurts themselves...
I rush to see if they need help
I’d rather see them help themselves
14. Which is more true?
Conflicts serve a good purpose in my relationship
Conflicts are to be avoided in my relationship
Conflict will cause my relationship to die
With the right man, conflicts only strengthen our relationship
15. In terms of dancing…
I love to dance and move my body
I find it a chore
16. Confrontations are...
To be avoided if possible
Can often work in my favour
17. I would prefer...
Pleasure of the mind
Pleasure of the soul
18. When I’m faced with something unknown, I trust
My gut feelings more than my thoughts
My thoughts more than my gut feelings
19. On a rainy day, I prefer…
The safety and warmth of my home
The excitement of a new exotic location
20. In social situations, I am...
The peacemaker who ensures everyone feels included.
The dominant personality who likes to lead.
The enigmatic figure who draws others in with mystery.
The observer who watches from the sidelines.
21. I can often feel other people’s intentions from a mile away
We are analysing your feminine archetype right now and preparing your personalised summary.
Here’s something interesting to know before moving forward…
Every single one of these archetypes has strengths and weaknesses. No matter how ego stroking it may be to identify with your archetype, know that it’s just a starting point.
It is your job to be aware of the strengths and weaknesses so that you can grow, evolve and become who you are meant to become.
Ultimately you want to become a full multi-dimensional human being. In order to truly become a high value individual, you want to tap into the value that every part of you has to bring to the table.
This feminine archetype quiz is one step along this journey to help you discover who you are, and who you will become.
So here is the next step.
Please enter your first name and email below so that we can safely deliver your feminine archetype results and send to you the extended explanation. (As well as give you $3,765 worth of coaching bonuses!)
And yes, we'll treat your email like it was our firstborn.
Guys with an avoidant attachment style are either going to come on very strong and charm you to no end (but only on a superficial level).
Or they’re going to just act distant, cold and, well, weird.
By weird I mean, they seem to sort of like you – and the signs he likes you tend to seep out here and there – but he’s not making any real attempt to connect.
He may only feel capable of superficial sex with you, and he may feel uncomfortable getting close to you. Guys like this might pull away without warning, and often, at that.
Related: Fearful Avoidant Vs Dismissive Avoidant: Differences & FAQ.
But to add another layer of complication to all of this, it should be said that a guy could be an anxious-avoidant individual as well.
This means that he oscilates from a highly anxious state to a highly avoidant state. This “state” is also referred to as disorganized attachment style.
This might lead you to ask yourself this question…
This anxious-avoidant pattern can cause a guy to seem clingy or desirous of you one minute, and cold and distant the next.
If you find your guy acting weird or bizarre, it might be because he is anxious-avoidant. You could find him being affectionate and attentive one minute, and completely avoidant the next, leaving you wondering if you’ve said or done something wrong.
This sudden shift in behaviour can be toxic, even if unintentionally so.
He doesn’t necessarily want to be toxic, but he can’t seem to help it. His nervous system is as unstable as a three-legged wonkey donkey.
Ok so now we’re looking at you. Not to blame you of course, but to examine how your actions affect a guy (because they can and do affect a guy!)
You might actually be sending him mixed signals.
Maybe you feel uncertain or scared, and he picks up on those signals, not knowing how to act around you.
A guy who has a secure attachment style will still act pretty consistent. However, a guy who isn’t so secure may be extra-sensitive to your mixed signals and will have a stronger pull back if he senses that you’re pulling away.
Have you considered whether you might have anxious attachment patterns, or avoidant attachment patterns?
If you’re unsure of your own attachment style, a great idea is to find out what your attachment style actually is. This gives you more certainty and something to work with when you go out into the dating world.
You can discover what your own attachment patterns are with our free quiz: QUIZ TIME: Anxious, avoidant or secure attachment patterns? Which one do I have? CLICK HERE to find out with our specially crafted women-specific 10 Question Quiz!
(Why is this important? It is because your core attachment style largely dictates and influences what happens in your relationship. Thus it’s imperative you understand your core attachment style!)
It’s also worth mentioning that if you’re an anxious woman dealing with an avoidant guy, this adds another layer of pain and difficulty to your future relationship with him.
Anxious-avoidant relationships are known to be difficult, and there’s even a name for it: the “anxious-avoidant trap”.
You can read my article on fixing this here: Anxious Avoidant Relationship: 7 Steps To Fix It + Should You?
Another (unfortunate) reason why guys act distant when they like you is because they’re playing the numbers game.
If you’re unsure what this means, it basically means he’s trying to get the attention of as many women as possible.
Thus his strategy is to entice you into liking him, and give you signals of interest for his own gain. Such a guy doesn’t mind triggering you to catch feelings for him because he likes it.
Why not have a woman like you? And the more women who like him, the better. Why?
Because options. That’s why.
More experienced, smarter men may not do this as they realize that having a lot of different women liking them and giving them attention can backfire on them, or just be a drain on his life.
But most men won’t mind flirting with you and giving you a bit of attention if it means they get you to like them back!
We can’t have this conversation about why guys act distant when they like you without discussing the obvious: sometimes a guy is still in love with (or just loves) his ex.
He might know that it’s not going to work out with her, but still feels hung up on her anyway. This creates a contradiction within him:
He’s attached to a woman he can’t be with, but he’s also kind of ‘free’ to chase other women.
Thus you get a guy who’s acting distant even if it seems like he is interested in you. If you know for sure that he’s probably still hung up on his ex, be careful. And give it time.
Because you might end up being just a rebound girl.
Yeah…there’s that.
Hopefully he is not married, but is there a chance that he might actually be married? If you don’t care whether he is married or not, I suggest you start caring.
There’s a whole host of other issues that come with dating a married man, one of them including the fact that married men do use their mistresses and you don’t want to be in that position yourself.
One reason why guys act distant when they like you that they’re testing you. Some guys test you by blowing hot and cold or by pulling away, just to see how you react and to see if you care.
More importantly, some guys will act distant to test how much you worry or how much it bothers you.
If you come running or chasing him, then obviously you do like him back – mission accomplished and his test has revealed the truth.
Not every guy who tests you is a bad guy, just remember that.
Testing is rather normal – the only thing is that if the testing is highly manipulative and he’s always making you feel bad, then you know you’re dealing with a toxic guy.
SECRETS REVEALED… Discover how you too can use this little known “Dark Feminine Art” to weed out the toxic men whilst cultivating real emotional attraction with high value high esteemed men. (CLICK HERE to enrol in this free class before it’s gone.)
One especially sad reason guys act distant is because they just don’t feel like they are enough – or that they have enough (to offer you).
Girls and women are expensive. Add to that the fact that life is expensive, and you get a huge list of responsibilities and requirements that many guys cannot meet.
How would he ever be worthy of you, in this case?
Only you can answer that. And in answering that, perhaps you’ll come up with a solution in earnest.
Just because he caught feelings for you, doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to remain in control. This is especially true for insecure guys or control freaks.
In considering that, think about this: he doesn’t just have to want to control you, perhaps he just wants to control the situation, and control how he shows up.
If he is seen in a vulnerable light by the people around him, how will they view him? How will they treat him?
Will he be teased or laughed at if he makes a wrong move?
Will he be seen as less masculine if he chases you?
There are many other things to consider here. And there’s lots of other stuff that might get in the way of him chasing you for a date.
The unfortunate and hard truth is that a lot of the time, guys act distant because they don’t actually like you enough.
That should be obvious, but it isn’t to a lot of women, because as humans, we all have a bias of projecting our own interest onto others.
Studies have concluded that this could be part of a broader tendency among humans to assume that others think like us, when they don’t.
What this means is that you are more likely to think he likes you a lot if you like him a lot.
So whilst he very well could like you – a lot – just try to be aware of this internal bias, because it can possibly trip you up and make you jump to conclusions.
When you get lost in a fantasy that’s obviously not grounded in reality, you’re more likely to act in completely uncalibrated ways that may make you show up show value.
By the way: There Are 7 Common Signs That A Woman is Perceived as Low Value to All Men. Do You Know What They Are & How to Avoid Them Like the Plague?
CLICK here to discover the 7 common signs that a woman is perceived as low value in the eyes of men in this special report. (Why is this important? Because men and women perceive value very differently and you don’t want to be making mistakes that would cause quality men to dismiss, abandon or alienate you.)
There’s one smart, high value thing to do when he’s acting distant (if you like him).
You can throw an attraction pebble. An attraction pebble is something you can say that allows you to instantly capture a man’s attention in a high value, “non-needy” way.
Attraction pebbles is also a program my husband David teaches, and it gives you the skills and the mindset of interacting with men that allows natural attraction and connection to cultivate and take place.
If you want to present yourself as a high value woman, if you want to create polarity with a man, and have him pursue you, then these “Attraction Pebbles” are exactly what you are looking for.
There are several possible answers:
Fore more on this, see my article: 7 Undercover Reasons Guys Distance Themselves After Intimacy.
Related: 21 Warning Signs He’s Losing Interest In You & What To Do.
SPECIAL REPORT: How to Become the World’s Most Attractive & Feminine Goddess (Even if you have no self esteem or no man has ever paid you any attention…) CLICK HERE to download it at no cost.
Why is it that he is distant but still texts? Because he can.
Because texting doesn’t take much effort.
And because he might be bored!
So ask yourself: how much do his texts really mean?
P.S. CLICK HERE to check out my full article archives! Or you may greatly benefit from one of our highly popular paid programs, CLICK HERE to see what we offer right now.
If you want to be supported by a warm community of high value feminine women, then join our Facebook Group. (It’s free and so incredibly valuable!) CLICK HERE TO join thousands of other women in our “High Value Feminine Women” Community.
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Renee is the founder of The Feminine Woman & co-founder of Shen Wade Media where we teach women how to show up as a high value high status woman whom easily inspires a deep sense of emotional commitment from her chosen man. She graduated with a bachelor of Law and bachelor of Arts majoring in sociology and psychology. She has been a dating and relationship coach for women in the past 15 years and together with her husband D. Shen at Commitment Triggers blog, they have positively influenced the lives of over 20 million women through their articles and videos as well as 10’s of thousands through paid programs through the Shen Wade Media platform.
Connect deeper with her work through the social media links below.