According to some experts and relationship coaches, ignoring a guy can work to get his attention. It has the effect of triggering curiosity, making him lean forward and pursue you.
The problem is that the benefits of ignoring a guy only work if you’re approaching dating for short-term results with a view to perpetuate a power struggle (or to be chased.)
Let’s talk about these benefits and the costs of ignoring a guy, and whether you should use this strategy to bring him back or get his attention.
Related reading: 12 Reasons Guys Act Interested Then Back Off + What To Do.
In this article I’m going to discuss the psychology of ignoring a guy, then answer the question of “does ignoring a guy work” from the typical feelings and motivators that inspire women to use this strategy.
Then I’m going to discuss the more ‘positive’ motivations a woman can have for ignoring a guy, and the consequences of that.
After that I’ll give you 3 positives of ignoring a guy, and 5 negative consequences (costs) of ignoring him.
Finally, I’ll finish off by answering some common questions related to whether you should ignore a guy or not.
Fact: Some men will string you along for as long as you will tolerate and never fully commit to you. Answer these 8 questions to discover precisely how commitment friendly your man is.
1. When I speak to other guys, and give attention to other men...
He gets jealous and isn't afraid to show it.
I know he gets jealous underneath but he tries to keep it cool
He doesn't have a hint of jealousy!
I don't know.
2. How willing is he to have a fight or argument with me?
He tries hard to avoid fights or arguments
He always wants things his way and won't listen to me
He doesn't show any avoidance to arguments.
I don't know.
3. What is his relationship with his father like?
He has a huge respect and talks fondly of his father.
There's not really a relationship between him and his father.
He talks about his father with disdain.
I don't know.
4. When I first started dating him, he mentioned commitment & long term relationships
Quite often, and he has been happy talking about it.
Occasionally, and he's a bit guarded when talking about it.
Never, he never likes to mention commitment at all.
I'm not sure...
5. How many long term committed relationships has he had?
At least 3 long term relationships...
Just one or two.
He's never had a long term relationship before...
I don't know...
6. How often does he push for sex?
All the time, and he gets pissed off if I don't give him sex.
Rarely ever, he cares about how I feel.
Never, he is a real gentleman
I'm not sure...
7. How keen is he to introduce you to his friends and family
Very keen, he wants everyone to get along with me.
He's not sure, he says he needs to find the right time.
Not keen at all, he tends to avoid the topic and drag it out.
I'm not sure...
8. How much effort has he shown you that he wants to learn about your friends and family?
Not much at all, he never asks me about my friends or family.
On the odd occasion, but he doesn't care about it too deeply.
He is always very fascinated with my friends and family
I don't really know...
We are analysing your quiz results right now and preparing a comprehensive summary. (It's a 15 min read)
In your personalised results email, we will also give you free advice and coaching to help you inspire a deep sense of emotional commitment from the man of your choice, even if you've had no luck with men so far.
Please enter your first name and email below so that we can safely deliver your results and explanation to you. (As well as give you $3,765 worth of coaching bonuses!) And yes, we'll treat your email like it was our firstborn.
The psychology of ignoring a guy stems from something called reverse psychology.
Think of it like this:
If you’re really into the guy, you, like many women, will tend to attach more and act in all kinds of interesting ways to get his attention.
Becoming more attached to him is natural (in fact women have a feminine bias to attach early to men), but when you are extremely interested and attached to a guy and you don’t know what move to make, you do things that run the risk of coming off over-eager.
In other words, you chase the guy hard.
Then you realise that was a mistake.
So you think well, maybe I should swing the pendulum and go the opposite way.
Enter the reverse psychology of ignoring a man.
Why not, right?
Finally you can get your power back.
And that’s where you can walk down paths that have irreversible negative consequences in your love life.
RELATED: How to Tell Him I Like Him: 3 Low Risk & High Value Ways.
What happens is you walk straight into a self-created power struggle.
You wanted him so badly that you overdid it, thus your best solution was to pull away to make him want you.
But this is how women get themselves into toxic relationships because that’s what they (and the guy in many cases) built the relationship upon in the first place.
MORE: How to Make Him Want You Back in 8 High Value Steps.
But Is There A GOOD Reason To Ignore A Guy?
Does ignoring a guy work? And is it possible to ignore him authentically (or from a good place emotionally)?
Yes, it is possible.
If a guy has done something that makes you feel so livid that you no longer want to talk to him, of course you would ignore him.
Sometimes there is no going back when a guy betrays you or hurts you.
In that case, ignoring him would be the healthy option, provided you’re willing to honor an authentic feeling within yourself.
In these cases, being ignored is likely what he deserves.
But notice that in this scenario, the relationship is likely to end for good, due to him doing something that’s betrayed your trust irreversibly.
So you really have to ask yourself:
Is this counterproductive to building emotional attraction with him?
Or does it add value to him and to our relationship?
Next we’re going to talk about the advantages and the costs of ignoring a guy.
Read more: 10 Indisputable Signs He Wants A Serious Relationship With You.
MORE: 17 Heartbreaking Signs He Will NEVER Come Back To You.
The big key here to finding the right balance is to first. Quite simply, don’t let yourself be wanting any man desperately.
You might say well, how is that even possible? I can’t change how I feel about him.
Actually, you can. You are capable of calibrating yourself to his level of interest by feeling where he’s at.
Additionally, remind yourself that every guy is human. Every man is imperfect and if you want him that badly, you have to remember:
You’re likely just wanting to take something for yourself.
He can feel that and he’ll likely respond by pulling away.
If you want him really badly, the most likely scenario is that you’ve attached to him already.
This attachment to him is not bad in and of itself, but it has consequences.
Remember earlier I said that all feminine women have what I call a “feminine bias for early attachment”?
Well, you need to use that feminine bias in a high value way to make him emotionally attached to you.
You need to be attuned and smart in how you work with your feminine bias of attaching early, otherwise you can very quickly push him away (unintentionally.)
If you would like to say goodbye to the heartbreaking reality of being emotionally attached to a man without him being attached to you… by using your “innate feminine bias for early attachment” to create deeper attraction and inspire a deeper commitment from your man, CLICK HERE.
My advice is no. Unless you are really hurt by him and really need to ignore him to honour yourself.
Otherwise, you’ll just be sending the message that he’s not wanted and you’re not interested.
Or worse, that you’re manipulating him.
Yes, there’s a chance that the reverse psychology of ignoring a guy can bring you results here.
But I caution you – guys can come back begging for your attention not because they want to commit, but because they want to keep a steady supply of sex (for more on this, see: The Woman Men Commit to Versus the Woman Men LEAVE.)
Thus you have to make sure you’re in his “one and only” basket before any you move forward with this reverse psychology tactic.
Bottom line:
Look at the consequences of ignoring him as I’ve discussed and if for some reason you still see the short-lived, superficial results of ignoring a guy to be of benefit to you, then by all means, do what you need to do.
You can make your own choices.
But you also live with the consequences, and I implore you to make good decisions for yourself that will benefit you long-term.
At the end of the day, ignoring a guy to get his attention and interest again is like eating candy to get a dopamine hit.
The candy is never nutritious. Right?
SECRETS REVEALED… Discover how you too can use this little known “Dark Feminine Art” to weed out the toxic men whilst cultivating real emotional attraction with high value high esteemed men. (CLICK HERE to enrol in this free class before it’s gone.)
It depends on the guy. If he has low self esteem, he’ll feel angry or want to get you back for trying to wrong him.
Furthermore, he might wonder if he did something “wrong”, as low esteemed people sometimes do.
If he’s an esteemed individual and he already cared about you in the first place, he’ll feel curiosity and wonder “what’s wrong?”
If he was in love with you or invested in you, he’ll feel hurt or betrayed.
Finally, if he’s more on the toxic side, he’ll respond by either acting like he doesn’t care in order to trigger your insecurities and make you pine for his attention, or he’ll respond by feigning interest and care.
MORE: 8 No Bs Ways To Get Him Interested Again Fast.
Remember people with big egos are focused on their own self importance more than others whose ego is not as big.
Given that, it depends how they view you as a person. Namely, does he view you as high or low status?
What consequences does you ignoring him bring to his life?
If the consequences are big or catastrophic, he’ll get drawn right into you ignoring him, trying to ‘fix it’ or win back your affection.
Not necessarily. How much they care depends on who you are and how you have been showing up, not on the act of ignoring them.
Sometimes it can trigger the feeling of loss in a guy, making him want to get back what he lost (you).
But that doesn’t necessarily benefit you in the long-run. Just because he fears losing you, doesn’t mean he truly values you.
P.S. CLICK HERE to check out my full article archives! Or you may greatly benefit from one of our highly popular paid programs, CLICK HERE to see what we offer right now.
If you want to be supported by a warm community of high value feminine women, then join our Facebook Group. (It’s free and so incredibly valuable!) CLICK HERE TO join thousands of other women in our “High Value Feminine Women” Community.
By the way, while you’re at it, connect with me on social media.
Renee is the founder of The Feminine Woman & co-founder of Shen Wade Media where we teach women how to show up as a high value high status woman whom easily inspires a deep sense of emotional commitment from her chosen man. She graduated with a bachelor of Law and bachelor of Arts majoring in sociology and psychology. She has been a dating and relationship coach for women in the past 15 years and together with her husband D. Shen at Commitment Triggers blog, they have positively influenced the lives of over 20 million women through their articles and videos as well as 10’s of thousands through paid programs through the Shen Wade Media platform.
Connect deeper with her work through the social media links below.