Supporting Your Partner: Navigating a Queer Coming Out - Relationship Advice

Relationship Advice: Did your partner just come out as queer? Here’s how you can handle it

Being queer is very difficult. We live in a society where parents take their queer kids to doctors and pandits and baba’s and try to find a “cure” for their “disease”. They just cannot come to terms with their child’s sexuality and treat it as normal. They find ways to curb their child’s sexuality. Terming someone’s sexuality as a crime or sin or unnatural makes it difficult for them to accept it. Accepting one’s own sexuality and coming out of the closet is nearly impossible due to the society’s attitude towards the queer community. It’s not uncommon for parents to force their queer children into a marriage in order to “fix” them. But no one ever thinks of how it affects the two people in the marriage.

Living a lie as big as this cannot be easy or long-term. Being straight and in a relationship with someone from the queer community can be very painful. Finding out that your relationship with them was based on lies and betrayal can impact you in ways you can’t imagine. How do you react or help them? It surely can’t be easy. 

Here’s how you can handle this sensitive situation:

1. It’s very important to get checked for STD’s. Both you and your partner should head to the doctor the first thing.

2. Understand that they are a victim too. They are suffering as well. They are struggling with their sexuality and at the same time living in guilt for putting you through the pain.

3. Do not abandon them. Give them emotional support and encourage them to live life the way they want to. Help them accept themselves.

4. Don’t get angry. Don’t blame them or lose your cool. Stay calm and accept things the way they are. 

5. Don’t blame yourself. It’s not your fault. Accept the fact that they were born this way. Don’t question yourself. 

6. Grieve for your loss and learn to let go of your relationship and move on in life. You cannot stay in a relationship where your partner does not feel any emotional connect or attraction towards you. 

7. Get professional help for yourself and your partner. You both need to deal with this trauma.

8. Peacefully part ways for your own happiness and good.

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